Moving a parent or older adult into your household can seem daunting and overwhelming. Yet this is an increasingly common occurrence, with 16% of people 15 and older providing unpaid care for an older adult in their home in 2017 and 2018 (US Bureau of Labor Statistics, 2019). The process does not have to be scary, however. I will present common problem areas and ways to make living in a blended household easier for all parties involved.
I have wondered
what my home life would look like if I were to move one of my parents in with
me. Time and time again, I put myself
through the mental exercise of asking pertinent questions. Would I have enough
space, or would I have to move? Would I be able to afford it? Could I care for
them? All of these are valid and
important questions. I also know that
while my mother would love living in Florida, my father would view this as
utter torture (he is a Northerner through and through). Besides just the
logistics of moving a parent in, I know that I would have a considerably harder
time living with my father, as he wears his politics on his sleeve, and they consistently
clash with mine.
While I’m
single, live alone, and would only consider moving one parent in with me at a
time, my situation is in no way prototypical.
A family with small children would have to navigate how to care for
their growing children and their aging parents. This scenario is an example of a
multigenerational household consisting of three or more generations living
under one roof (Marquez-Velarde, 2020). Likewise, not all adults have children
they can move in with, meaning
they may live with a niece, nephew, or younger sibling. Finally, there is always the possibility that
the younger family members move into the older adult’s house, turning the
dynamic back to one more akin to moving back home with Mom and Dad after
college. The significant change is that now
the older adult is the one that needs help with cooking, cleaning, laundry, and
possibly even bathing.
There are
common issues that are faced when an older adult moves into the house.
- Space—Setting up a space that is at least semi-private is critical to ensure that the older adult feels respected (Touhy & Jett, 2020).
- Expenses—Touhy and Jett (2020) note that increased food, entertainment, clothing, and utility costs may not be split equitably among all house occupants.
- Childcare and childrearing—Touhy and Jett (2020) point out that there can be differences in opinion between the parents and grandparents over how the children are raised and whose responsibility it is to watch the children or provide care for them.
- Responsibilities and chores—The older adult may feel obligated to perform household chores or feel ashamed that they cannot contribute to chores (Touhy & Jett, 2020).
While those
are only a few of the possible problems that may arise, there are things you
can do to ease the tension and smooth this transition.
- Space—Discuss privacy expectations and how space will be used by each family member (Touhy & Jett, 2020). This can be as simple as if a door is closed you must knock before entering.
- Expenses—Discuss having the older adult contribute to household expenses if they are financially able to (Touhy & Jett, 2020). Even small contributions can make a significant impact on costs. Perhaps the family member cannot afford to buy groceries for the household for the week, but they can afford to fill up the family car once.
- Responsibilities and chores—Ensure that all household members pitch in and do tasks that align with their abilities (Touhy & Jett, 2020). For example, if the older adult cannot do laundry but can still fold clothes, assign them the task of folding clothes for the household.
This list is
not all-inclusive of all conflicts that can arise when moving an older adult in;
however, it gives some examples of open communication, boundary setting, and
mutual respect, which are paramount to living with any person.
Below are
some links for the Marion County, Florida area that provide assistance with older adult care,
planning, and resources.
http://www.marionseniorservices.org/
https://www.marioncouncilonaging.org/
https://elderaffairs.org/wp-content/uploads/Marion.pdf
While moving
an older adult into your home can seem overwhelming, know that there are
resources to help you as you make this transition and that you are not alone in this journey.
References
Frank J. (2006). Caring for elderly
parents: family relationships, ageist medical care, and the search for a
dignified end to life. Journal of Health Politics, Policy & Law, 31(1),
219–228.
Marquez-Velarde, G. (2020).
Multigenerational households: A descriptive approach to distinctive definitions.
In: Farris, D., Bourque, A. (eds) International handbook on the demography of marriage
and the family. International Handbooks of Population, vol 7. Springer, Cham.
https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-030-35079-6_15
Touhy, T.A., & Jett, K.
(2020). Ebersole & Hess' Toward healthy aging: Human needs and
nursing responses (10th ed.). Elsevier.
U-Haul. (2022). Damage coverage [Photo].
https://www.uhaul.com/DamageCoverage/
US Bureau of Labor Statistics. (2019,
November 22). Unpaid eldercare in the United States – 2017-2018 data from the
American time use survey [Press release]. https://www.bls.gov/news.release/elcare.nr0.htm
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